Hello there criminals of Roblox, WoodReviewer here for what is probably my most requested ever, Jail Break, by you know who. Now I am sure why I am choosing to review Jail Break now. Is it because of the Coronavirus? Some anniversary? Is it to set up some larger plan in motion this month? Or is it because Badcc is too busy right now to wire me my money to not review the place in order to not make Asimo feel bad? If I want another check, I can’t say. But with the intro out of the way, lets look at what was previously one of the top games on Roblox, Jail Break.
Hello there meditating developers of Roblox, WoodReviewer here, today to take a look at the Toyokawa Inari Shrine, made by nezko. Personally, I am looking forward to taking a look at this game as I’ve been told by my doctors that my diet of nothing but pure rage towards developers is not good for me heart health, and by letting go of some of my rage it will help me live longer. That, and the fact that just because corndogs have corn in their name does not mean they are a vegetable. And seeing as the fact I have a full freezer of corndogs that aren’t going away, it seems like meditating in this game is the best way to help lower my blood pressure. And seeing as this game is nominated for a Bloxy for best showcase, I can’t imagine that this game has by bad wood grain.
I mean, just look at this nice calm setting around the fire. With a nice kettle of tea.
Hello there interested simulator players of Roblox, WoodReviewer here, and today starts a series of reviews that no one should care about but I a going to do anyway. So what game am I looking at today? Why I am looking at Speed Simulator 2 by Avectus. So, why should no one care about this game? Well, for one it has been 15 months since the game has been updated, and the creator’s account was deleted about a year ago when I went to originally make this review totally useless since this game physically cannot be fixed.
Or played since the game is private.
But I spent like 10 hours grinding through this game so I am going to make this review because those are 10 hours I won’t ever get back, and this is a good starting point for my series of reviews from games that were popular before, and I played, but I just never got around to making a review for. So with that aside, it is time for my look at Speed Simulator 2.
Hello there chair enthusiasts of Roblox, WoodReviewer here with my first review of 2019. And coming off of this year’s advent calendar, what is a better game to review than a game based on chairs, which is why I am taking a look at Chair by Elttob. For those of you wondering what is in a game called chair, and whose game play entirely revolves around you sitting in a chair, the game is a chair. Personally, I have been looking forward to reviewing Chair as it is a short game that you can finish in about 30 seconds, and see the entirety of the game in those 30 seconds, unlike the current trend of massive 50+ hour simulator games that take you 10 hours to get out of the starting area. So this should be a nice, short review. Not some 1,500 word odyssey that involves a dozen pictures to inform you why the chair that you can clearly see in the thumbnail has bad wood grain.
So, how does the chair in Chair have bad wood grain? I mean, it isn’t rocket science. Just look at the chair.
Hello there interested train enthusiasts of Roblox, WoodReviewer here with an actual review of a new game. I know, a review of a game that I haven’t reviewed before that isn’t also just making fun of Strobe III. I think this will nearly double my review count for the year. But enough about me, what about the game? What game has piqued my interest enough that I felt the need to have to review it now, stopping everything else I’m doing in the process, after having spent the entire last month making a new review every day. What masterful piece of content could have woken me from my (metaphorical) slumber?
Why a railroad signal box, of course. Specifically Pinewood Signal Box by SetDefault1. While I am by no means a train fanatic, that doesn’t mean I don’t like trains. I have wasted dozen of hours of Google Earth and other satellite imagery sites looking over forgotten railroad paths, and have watched a 30 minute documentary on YouTube of someone walking a long-abandoned railroad in a part of England I’ve never heard of for no apparent reason. So all that, combined with all the attention this place has been getting on Twitter, is why I chose to review it.
So, how it it? Not bad, honestly.
Hello there pepperoni lovers of Roblox, WoodReviewer here for my fourth annual look at Work at a Pizza Place by Dued1. Yup, the classic Pizza Place, a game that is nearly a decade old by this point and has probably made Dued1 enough money to easily live on for the better part of half a decade. A simple game that has remained basically unchanged over the course of its entire existence, but at the same time has had every single part of it updated in some way, shape, or form, or if not atleast looked it to see what needs to be change. Surely if one game on Roblox should have proper wood grain, it should be this one. It has to be this one. There is no other game that should most definitely have proper wood grain as this one.
Hello keyboard purists of Roblox, WoodReviewer here, and I am back after an unfortunate accident with a large cat, a hammer, a second smaller hammer, a third large hammer, and a metal ruler that somehow left me completely unharmed. But it broke of the “P” key on my keyboard. And after several long months of dealing with a broken keyboard I have finally gone and invested in something to fix my problem as someone that uses their keyboard for 10+ hours a day, a bottle of super glue to glue my P key back in place.
Now if you are still here after that tech support gore, I’m sure you are interested in what game I decided to start my comeback with. Will it be my long teased review of 2016’s best tycoon, Retail Tycoon? A review of Jailbreak before it fully fades into obscurity? Or another one of my annual looks at Work at a Pizza Place. Well, it was none of those places, but rather a look at last month’s hottest FPS shooter, Strobe III by Team Rudimentality. Now if you have never hear of Team Rudimentality, that is fairly common as until recently they were know mostly for never actually finishing games. However, members of Team Rudimentality have made dozens, and I mean dozens, of games on Roblox, included by not limited to Siege of Quebec, Cannoneers, Be an Egg and be Hunted, Strobe, Siege of Montreal, Junkland, Feed Your Pets, Island, Island II, Island III, Mount of the Gods, Water on Mars, Place Roulette, Super Place Roulette, Siege of Moscow, Chess, Brick Battle Royale, Ignoble, Plastic Pirates, farn, Conquer the World, and Testing. Now while this list is incomplete since Team Rudimentality is kind of all over the place in terms of what is an official game and what exactly is a side project, but I erred on the side of adding too many games to this list for comical purposes.
So, how exactly is Strobe III? Well let us start with our old friend, Mr Crate.Continue reading
Hello Fifteam. Its me, WoodReviewer. Did you think I was done with you yet? Sure, this may be part 10 of this egg hunt review, but it is not over. No, it is not anywhere near being over. Ever since the rumors of last years egg hunt being the last custom made egg hunt, I stopped making more reviews. Because I knew that with the next egg hunt I wouldn’t have that much to review, so I saved some more for you guys. So with that in mind, sit back and enjoy part 10 of my look at the 2018 Egg Hunt. And before you ask, no, this is not the final part.
The first new issue I saw was on this sign above the theater with wooden planks. For now, I’m going to ignore the vertical supports on the sides of the wooden panels, since it can be aregued the panels are attached to the front of the planks. I’ll even ignore the wooden panels themselves for not having the correct vertical wood grain since they are a bit taller than they are wide, and just focus on the top face of the wooden planks. Not just the sign panels, but the large wooden beams below them. They all have horizontal wood grain, yet the wood grain on the top face goes from the front to the back of the wood. The top face should follow the front faces and also go horizontally so the wooden planks look like, well, planks.
Hello Roblox devs who still get upset over the Bloxys being a popularity contest despite the fact that every public voting contest is literally a voting contest, WoodReviewer here today to take a look at the 2019 Bloxy Awards/Stage/Gaming Room thing. Yup, instead of just a poorly lit stage area, this year Roblox gave me an entire theater to make fun of them for having terrible wood grain at. Unfortunately I was unable to watch the Bloxys live as I was away from my computer dealing with some fire wood that desperately needed to be burnt, and I needed to do it. Anyway how was the theater?Continue reading
Hello underage candy beggars of Roblox, WoodReviewer here, today taking a look at the lobby for the 2018 Halloween event place hub event thingy, Sinister Swamp by Beeism, TheShipArchitec, FutureWebsiteOwner, awesxome3, and Aotruo.
Seeing as this is just a small hub world for the various other games in the event, I initially did not have much hope for it. Not in terms of having proper wood grain, no, that hope was long gone. But my hope was that this review would be a bit shorter since everytime I do a review featuring Beeism I can see the storage limit I have on this site move a considerable amount, and I was hoping that this review would not be the size of a short novel by the time it was done. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. It is closer to two short novels.
Because of that, I have decided to do a short abridged review of this game, in which I state the problem with the wood grain and then post all the examples where it occurs, but despite that this will still be a fairly long review. So with that out of the way, lets start with the first issues,
IMPROPER VERTICAL WOOD GRAIN
Yes, the most common example of improper wood grain, for all of these examples the piece of wood in question is vertically, or mostly vertically, holding up some mass, but the wood grain isn’t going from the base of the wood to the top, but rather wrapping around the wood. One of the most obvious examples of this is on the supports behind the fake Hollywood western set pieces scattered across the map.