Monthly Archives: February 2016

Train Terror-Asimo3089’s Ties

Hi there. WoodReviewer here. I like trains.

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CHOO CHOO!!!

Today is going to be different than normal. First, instead of one game I am going to be reviewing three, all by Asimo3089, and all featuring trains. Secondly, I went into the games knowing what I was looking for instead of just looking around. And what was I looking for? Bad wooden railroad ties.

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Why Does is Matter?

Hello there kind people, WoodReviewer here, and it is time to elaborate on wood grain. Now, I already explained what I look for in terms of wood grain, but never why. So now I am

Cuts of Wood

Just a disclaimer, I am not a carpenter. I am not a lumberjack. I don’t know the specifics behind how wood is cut and milled, but I just read a Wikipedia article on it so I know enough. Now, lets start with the basics. For trees, the wood grain goes vertical. It looks like this.

Basic Tree.png

There should be rings on the top/bottom, but ROBLOX doesn’t have that.

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Boom Boom-Super Bomb Survival

Hello fellow admirers of wood, WoodReviewer here. Today I will be taking a look at Super Bomb Survival by Polyhex.  Now, I know my Twitter account took off in the last few days, going from ~15 followers to  90+ as of now, so I feel like I should clarify something: I am not a judge of good games. I am not a judge of gameplay. I may poke fun at some games, but my mission is to not seek out bad games and tell people how bad they are. My only purpose is to tell people when wood grain is bad to shame them into fixing it and/or preemptively get them to fix it so they don’t have to hear from me.

Now that the house keeping over, lets go back to making fun of people’s weird wood. Luckily, I didn’t need to go far in Super Bomb Survival. I went about 20 studs left of spawn and looked at the score board. Look at the legs on the scoreboard. They completely lack and strength, meaning the whole thing can easily be pushed over.

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Old School-ROBLOX High School

Hi there fellow Meep owners, WoodReviewer here. Now, if you also own a Meep who is recovering from severe wood grain related depression, please have them leave the room. Today I am going to be taking a look at ROBLOX High School by Cindering and friends. Sorry if I come off as a little odd in this review, but I never enjoyed my high school much. Worse five years of my life. Also, most of they players who are playing are probably too young to be in high school, and being in role-playing games with that much of an age difference is a bit awkward. Especially with a name like WoodReviewer. Not the game’s fault, just personal stuff.

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There was no dialog option to complain about wood grain

Onto the game. When you joined, you’re greeted by a friendly principal type guy who isn’t actually the principal since some player on the server is the really principal. His desk has some weird wood grain, but not too bad.

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Meep Meep-Meep City: Star Bally Obby

Meep meep to you, fellow Meep owners. WoodReviewer here to take a look at Meep City: Star Ball Obby by AlexNewtron and friends. Now, I’m not sure if by Meep the game is referring to your character now being a Meep, or if you now control a pet Meep. Or atleast I think a Meep is a pet. Either way, using Meep so much is causing half this page to light up in Chrome like Rudolph’s nose. But at the same time I don’t want to add Meep or meep to as an auto-correct suggestion because one day I’ll go to write keep or Jeep but accidentally type Meep and people will look at me weird. I will then have to explain that I used Meep in a blog about awkward wood grain, and they will then think I’m weird for hanging around with people who don’t know how wood works. And that is probably almost as embarrassing and peeing on yourself during middle school graduation, and I just started to live that down.

Sad Meep

Overall, Meep City is a fairly good game. However, there is an issue in that my Meep is always sad. And why are they sad? Because of bad wood grain. Look at this picture. My Meep just completed the first level. They should be proud to finally achieve the basic skills of a Meep. But instead, my Meep is too upset by the wood grain to show their true happiness.

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Dying with Friends-Mad Murderer

Hello there boys and girls, WoodReviewer here. Today I am going to be looking at Mad Murderer by Loleris. Now, I want to apologize in advance for this post. I believe that Murder and other similar games should be player with friends. However, I wasn’t able to play with any of my friends so I don’t have the best knowledge of the game. They all said something about needing a restraining order. Hopefully they can all get one so when I play one of the other Murder clones they can play with me when I get to them.

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I was unsure if the map is suppose to be flooded.

Now, this review should come with a disclaimer. Normally I try and play games over the course of a day, preferable in one sitting, as so I don’t play across multiple updates. With the Mad Murderer, I was unable to do this for a few reason. The first was there is this annoying rap music(?) that constantly plays in the background, and about half the time there were several songs(?) playing at once and outside of muting ROBLOX, I couldn’t stop them. Muting a game with sound is bad, so I tried to find servers where this didn’t happen. And even in servers where only one song was playing, I could only play for about 10 minutes before my ears started to bleed. Next, some of the servers were exploited. In some servers the ground was randomly on fire, there was water randomly flooding half the map, and in some there were what I thought were exploiters who had a machine gun knife thrower thing that threw a bunch of knives really, really fast. I later found out that it was not an exploit, but rather an item that people could buy for 50,000 credits, or 10,000 R$. Overpowered knives, exploiters, and music aside, time for the real reason I had trouble staying in a game for extended period of time: The terrible wood grain.

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Into the Wasteland-Fallout Vault Tycoon

Hello there good Sirs and Madams. WoodReviewer here with a new segment: Whatever Wednesdays. On every Wednesday, I will bring you a review of games that make you go “Whatever” before they disappear and no one cares about them. Originally The Plaza was suppose to be the first review of this format, but it turned out to not suck. So to ensure that the first game will suck, I chose to do a game based on a free mobile promotional game, Fallout Vault Tycoon with the original game being Fallout and promotional game being Fallout: Shelter. This game was published by Electronic Publishers, so you can be sure it will be forgettable when it is made by a group whose name is inspired by the pinnacle of forgettable games.Terrain with gun.png

Now, this game is lacking. Outside of the trees, there is no wood in the wasteland. All of the wood in the game is in your vault, and 90% of it is in a purely cosmetic room that serves no purpose. I actually almost gave up on the review because it is a typical ROBLOX tycoon where you press a button, get more money, and then a new button appears for you to press with no actual management or and indicators as to how the new buttons will affect cash flow. Luckily, the fact there is no real gameplay meant I could browse dank memes while AFK’ing so I could view the wood.

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