Ohio- Ohio

Hello there fellow humans that dislike drinking swamp water, WoodReviewer here to take a look at what was historically one of the largest swamps in the United States, Ohio by DevvGames. Ohio is a game revolving mostly around death and gun violence while you live in an inescapable cycle of poverty, which for those of you unfamiliar with Ohio basically describes Ohio to a T, only in recent times Ohio has been covered in an adnominally high number of toxic train derailments. This can either be seen as a series of unfortunate accidents, or perhaps an attempt by Ohio to return itself to return to the great black swamp that covered much of the state before it was cleaned up. Anyway, that is enough about Ohio the place, but what about Ohio the wood grain?

Well, the wood grain is almost as bad as Ohio is.

Starting off with this wooden fence, the pickets and posts have incorrect horizontal wood grain on them. They both should have vertical wood grain.

Walking across the street and away from 3 gun fights is one of the houses in Ohio. When I found it the house was abandoned because, you know, Ohio, but it did give me a chance to explore the house. It was mostly empty probably due to the robberies, but from looking at what wasn’t taken I could tell that this window had bad wood grain on both the horizontal and vertical part of the grills for the window, and the vertical parts of the window frame.

Walking away from the broken glass of the window I had to chance to take a look at some of the few remaining pieces of furniture left in the house, and one of those items was this chair. This chair is basically entirely made with bad wood grain, with most of the vertical pieces having bad grain, along with all of the horizontal pieces going from the front to the back of the chair.

Leaving the abandoned house I stumbled upon an abandoned children’s playground, which existed to serve as a reminder that some people actually do try and live on Ohio. However, based on the wood grain of the table, their lives must contain a bunch of trips to the ER due to the bench seat breaking, along with the visits to the ER due to toxic train derailments.

Leaving the relative safety of the children’s playground I dodged some bullets and made my way to another bench, but this time it was just a regular bench made for the homeless to sleep on. However, this bench isn’t safe for two reasons: One it is in Ohio, two the wood grain on the seat part of the bench is bad, and will easily collapse if anyone sits on it.

Rounding out my trip to Ohio is this crate. Yes, there are crates in the image above, however I heard gun fire and decided to leave those crates alone. Anyway, these crates have the same problem most unioned crates have in that while one set of boards of the crate may have proper wood grain, the rest have bad wood grain. In this case, the horizontal pieces are correct, but the vertical and diagonal pieces are incorrect.

And with that I have nothing more to add to Ohio. I mean, yes, there is probably more bad wood grain to see, but as the great Neil Armstrong said “One small step for mankind, and now I literally can not get any farther from Ohio if I wanted to.” Much like all the fellow Ohioan astronauts who followed him, I too want to get out of Ohio, so I closed the experience and left. So, was the wood grain bad? Yes. Was it the worst part of having to be in Ohio? No. However, the wood grain still should be fixed, so that way we can truly focus on the real issues of Ohio: The giant subway rats.

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