Hello fellow Robloxians who hate GollyGreg, WoodReviewer here, and today is part 1 of my look at the 2017 holiday event game Mountianeers by GollyGreg, Beeism, Quenty, Diesoft, MasterOfTheElements, Crykee, TheShipArchitect, FutureWebsiteOwner, and awesomeawesxomeman3. Now this may seem like an unusually large list of people to work on a game, but don’t worry, this will be an unusually long review of a game, hence the fact this is only part 1. Honestly, I did not intend to make this a multipart review. However, after I finished capturing the bad wood grain in the game, I decided I would need to make it a multipart review based on the fact my PC’s fan appeared to be trying to take off due to the amount of screenshots I had prepared. But honestly, what could be expected when GollyGreg, Beeism, GollyGreg, Quenty, the former owner of EBR, and GollyGreg work on a game together?

I know one thing that can be expected: A lot of improper wood grain.

So, with plenty of places to go and things to see, where should we start this odyssey of bad wood grain? I think we should start down by the docks, since this is where most players quit the game after struggling with the whale rodeo minigame. The first issue here is that they used wooden trusses, because they used wooden trusses. Wooden trusses are fundamentally broken and there is no way to properly use them.

Next, but not last, from the dock area was this light post. Look at it and get familiar with it, because it is repeated several hundred times throughout the entire map. The main issue with it is that the main vertical post has improper wood grain,

Next up on the dock are some of the planks that make up the dock,  mainly this small side area that is disconnected from the main dock area. Despite being made out of the same parts of the main dock area, facing in the same direction, and seemingly appearing to just be a copy/pasted part from the main dock area, this side dock had improper wood grain while the main dock has proper wood grain. I blame GollyGreg for this.

And then, last up for the dock area were the stairs to get to the dock. Again, despite being the same orientation as the main boards for the dock, these stairs have improper wood grain, with the grain going from front to back instead of stretching across the width of the stairs. Again, I blame this on GollyGreg.

Moving in from the dock, the next area of the map was the town area. However, to go to the town area you passed by this sign that showed how to get to certain area, just not the town area. However, there was a problem with this sign in that it had bad wood grain. Shocking, I know. In this case it has improper wood grain on the vertical post, which has horizontal rather than the proper vertical wood grain. This, like the lamp post, is seen not just on this sign, but every sign in the game. I also blame GollyGreg for this because I can.

Then, 7 images is, we finally get to where the game begins, the town. And what a better way to enter the town than to be greeted with improper wood grain. This time with a 2-for-1 special, as both the door and window on the houses have improper wood grain. Now, I could say which direction they have improper wood grain, but because both are curved meshes they have improper wood grain everywhere. Even though I don’t think GollyGreg knows how to make meshes, I blame him again.

Continuing into the town, there was a bridge that crossed a small river. However, the bridge is made out of wood. This creates issues as the main structure of the bridge is arched, yet the mesh for the bridge doesn’t have the wood grain follow the arch at all. Even worse, the faces on the decorative beams below the main arch were incorrect, with some faces being vertical and others being horizontal. The entire piece looks like some poorly glued together piece of paper, and that is now how wood grain should be. Even though GollyGreg probably didn’t do this, I still blame him.

Next up was a simple pole that had improper wood grain on it. Nothing much to see here, just a simple post that was holding up a banner telling players to buy stuff here. Still, at the end of the day posts are one of the easiest features to get correct; the wood grain does up and down. Like a tree. Because wood is cut from a tree. So I guess the moral of this story is GollyGreg has never looked at a tree before.

The last thing that I want to mention before I move on in the town are the benches. They all have improper wood grain, but only on the upper face. The front/back faces, relative to how someone sits on the bench, are correct. This, plus the fact that the wood grain pattern continues between the planks almost seamlessly, makes me believe this was either a lazily made mesh or union. Ironically, even though most unions/meshes are hard to make with proper wood grain, and I use the word “hard” very loosely here, this bench can be made with proper wood grain fairly easily.

And with this bench, so ends this review. Or more aptly, this part of the review. Now obviously since this review isn’t complete yet, it is a bit difficult for me to give an overall rating for the wood grain here, but the fact this is looking like it is a four parter should give you a good indication of how the outlook for this game looks.

I’m aware that some of you may be worried that this review will just end up with me reviewing the same assets 40 different times, but don’t worry, that isn’t the case. After all, this game is basically and all-star event of people who misuse wood grain in games. Well, excluding Asimo at least, but he was probably too busy counting the Teslas in his Tesla account to help with this game.